Cameron To Help Search For Loch Ness Monster In Burma

By our correspondent in London British Prime Minister David Cameron could soon be returning to Burma to ask President Thein Sein for co-operation in the hunt for the Loch Ness Monster. The Loch Ness Monster, also known as Nessie, is a legend of some kind of dinosaur like monster living in Loch Ness, a large lake in Scotland. The initiative comes at the behest of Bonkers Mc Faddden, a highland farmer who has spent his life searching for the Loch Ness monster after claiming to have seen the beast when he was a child on a family hunting trip. His hunt seemed to have come to an end in 2003 when a BBC sponsored search with high tech sensory equipment scanned every inch of the Loch without finding any trace of Nessie. "At first I thought they were just looking in the wrong place, but then I started to wonder if Nessie had been kidnapped, it is the only sensible explanation," Bonkers McFadden told Burma Tha Din News. "After years of research I discovered that boats for the Irrawaddy Flotilla Company were being built in Scotland and towed to Burma for use on the Irrawaddy. I believe one of these boats was used to smuggle Nessie out of Burma, and that she was placed in Inya Lake." Pressed for evidence to substantiate his claim, McFadden said; "Look at the case of John Yettaw. It was never clearly established how he managed to swim across the lake to Aung San Suu Kyi's house. Maybe he had a ride? I'm just sayin’." A spokesperson at 10 Downing St confirmed the planned visit, telling Burma Tha Din News; "The PM was going to Asia soon anyway, and apart from trade we had nothing particularly import to talk to the Burmese government about, so we thought, why the hell not, the Daily Mail will probably like it and God knows we can do with some positive coverage in the Mail." A bemused spokesperson for President Thein Sein's office told Burma Tha Din that they hadn't heard anything about the initiative, but that these days they wouldn't be surprised. "We are getting used to this kind of thing. At least they are not giving us a hard time like they used to. As long as they keep offering us money for our cooperation why not agree? The war in Kachin State is very expensive." Families of students drowned in Inya Lake by the Burmese Army in 1988, for which nobody has ever been prosecuted or held accountable, could not be reached for comment.