EU announces new funding round for ‘complex’ analysis

The European Union today announced another round of funding aimed at projects and people to ramble on about how complex everything in Myanmar is.

In a statement, EU Ambassador Kristian Schmidt said: “Talking up complexities is vital in countering demands that we do something about problems. This is particularly the case in Rakhine State, where things are so bad some EU member states even think we should do something.”

Proposals are invited for studies and commentary which results in one or all of the following conclusions:

• That the situation is more complex than most people realise
• That the international community must tread carefully
• That ultimately the solution must come from within Myanmar

No actual practical proposals for addressing problems are required.

“This should in particular appeal to people self-identifying as independent analysts, as they will be very well paid, be able to smugly sound like they understand things other people don’t, and don’t have to stick their neck out suggesting anything useful,” said Schmidt.

The statement went on to say: Dinner and prosecco at the Ambassadors luxury villa are included with all successful proposals. As usual, no information on end recipients will be released and any requests for information by journalists will be met with the usual ‘we’ll get back to you.’