Saturday, August 26, 2017
News From Rakhine - 26th August 2017
Bengali’s Attacking us ‘Not Fair’ Says Commander in Chief
The Commander in Chief and Office of the State Counsellor both issued statements today condemning Rohingya attacks on police and army posts.
“These attacks are proof the Bengali’s are not ethnic from Myanmar, if they were they would know the way it is supposed to work here is we attack them, not they attack us back,’ said Min Aung Hlaing. “They should sit in their village and wait for us to attack them at time which is convenient for us. It’s not fair to fight back and to so when we are not expecting it.”
Not for the first time, Daw Aung San Suu Kyi’s spokesperson echoed the Commander in Chief: “They should not attack us, what have we ever done to them? It’s not fair.”
Government Announces New Terrorist Categories
Following attacks at the western gate, the government has issued Order 1/1984 on terrorism designations. These designations must be used in all official communications.
James Bond villain terrorist: Megalomaniac individual seeking world takeover.
Extremist terrorist: Terrorists who are Muslims.
Standard terrorist: Non Bamar ethnic people.
Traitor terrorist: Bamar who disagree with government or military.
Moderate terrorist: Groups who sign NCA
NGOs Demand ‘Someone do Something’ on Rakhine Crisis
36 human rights and civil society organisation today published an open join letter to the international community demanding ‘someone do something,’ about the escalating violence in Rakhine State.
Reports that up to a thousand very pissed off Rohingya people attacked police posts and killed officers, and that the military are stepping up attacks, justify the immediate doing of something by the international community, according to the letter.
The letter warns, “unless something is done and done urgently, there is a very real risk of us issuing another joint letter, but this time with even more signatories.”
Military ‘not offended’ by calls for militia
A military spokesperson has told Burma Tha Din that the Tatmadaw is not at all offended by demands by ethnic Rakhine communities for people to be armed as peoples militias. There had been speculation that the military might be offended by the demands, as they implied the 300,000 plus strong military was unable to handle 1,000 plus ARSA insurgents.
The spokesperson told Burma Tha Din: “A militia is related to the military, so we are happy. The more people in military or security related groups the better as far as we are concerned. In fact, we would recruit many more people but if everyone is in the military who could we shoot at and arrest?”
88 Generation and Irrawaddy condemn Rohingya rising up against security forces
88 Generation members, who exactly ten years ago organised protests which led to an uprising against the government and security forces which were oppressing them , have condemned Rohingya for rising up against the government and security forces which are oppressing them.
“In the past we might have supported ethnic people fighting the security forces which went to their areas, raped and killed and burned their villagers, but those ethnic people weren’t Rohingya Muslims, so of course it’s different,” said Ko Ko Kessler.
The Irrawaddy website, which criticised armed ethnic groups for not marching to cities to help the uprising against the military in 2007, backed calls by military MPs for a meeting of the military dominated National Defence and Security Council to address the crisis.
ARSE declare ‘Mission Accomplished’
Rohingya insurgent group ARSE has declared ‘mission accomplished’ after attacks on border guard posts provoked renewed attacks on civilians by military and security forces.
“Rohingya villages are burning, thousands of people are fleeing for their lives, and the government have something they can use as an excuse for not implementing Rakhine Commission recommendations,” they said in a statement released on a Twitter account which may or may not be linked to ARSE. “Here we have shown we are defending our people against colonial invasion. There are not enough Tatmadaw in the world to defeat the ARSE.”
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
Fake Rape, Twitter and 8.8.88 Anniversary - News round-up 9th August
Rape claims are fake says government rapist
In an exclusive interview following the publication of the governments report into allegations of human rights violations in Rakhine State, U Zaw Htay, Daw Aung San Suu Kyi’s propaganda officer, has told Burma Tha Din that the official government rapist has confirmed that rape claims against Rohingya are fake.
“When Myint Swe investigated the rape claims, the first person he visited was naturally Thura U Aung Ko, Union Minister for Religious Affairs and Culture. He has reportedly raped at least two women, so we have in-house expertise on rape at the highest government level. He confirmed the claims are fake. I would also like to add that although some were critical about the appointment of an alleged rapist as a government minister, once again Daw Aung San Suu Kyi showed how far-sighted she is in knowing that once day it would be useful to have a rapist government minister.”
Unfortunately, the interview was terminated after just one question after our reporter made a light-hearted comment to U Zaw Htay about his posting broken Facebook links on Twitter.
Twitter struggling in Myanmar despite boost from unemployed journalists
Twitter has reported it is continuing to struggle to gain subscribers in Myanmar despite seeing a 50% spike in Tweets, largely thanks to unemployed Myanmar Times journalists sitting in coffee shops in Yangon passing the time tweeting while waiting for a rejection email for their latest pitch.
“Facebook has got the mad anti-Muslim conspiracy theory market completely sown up, we just can’t compete” said a Twitter spokesperson.
State Counsellor blames staff for forgetting about 8th August
A source has told Burma Tha Din that Daw Aung San Suu Kyi is furious after only finding out today in Global New Light of Myanmar that yesterday was the anniversary of the 8 8 88 uprising.
"When I said people should only read and watch state media with lots of pictures of me in, I didn't mean that's also where I find out what's going on", she reportedly shouted at staff.
NLD HQ in Yangon have been ordered to deliver NLD calendars (each month featuring a picture of Daw Aung San Suu Kyi) to all staff in her office.
Senior staff had previously persuaded a reluctant Aung San Suu Kyi that she should make some kind of statement on the anniversary, and she agreed on the condition that no-one mention that the military might have been involved in anything relating to the protests or aftermath.
In an exclusive interview following the publication of the governments report into allegations of human rights violations in Rakhine State, U Zaw Htay, Daw Aung San Suu Kyi’s propaganda officer, has told Burma Tha Din that the official government rapist has confirmed that rape claims against Rohingya are fake.
“When Myint Swe investigated the rape claims, the first person he visited was naturally Thura U Aung Ko, Union Minister for Religious Affairs and Culture. He has reportedly raped at least two women, so we have in-house expertise on rape at the highest government level. He confirmed the claims are fake. I would also like to add that although some were critical about the appointment of an alleged rapist as a government minister, once again Daw Aung San Suu Kyi showed how far-sighted she is in knowing that once day it would be useful to have a rapist government minister.”
Unfortunately, the interview was terminated after just one question after our reporter made a light-hearted comment to U Zaw Htay about his posting broken Facebook links on Twitter.
Twitter struggling in Myanmar despite boost from unemployed journalists
Twitter has reported it is continuing to struggle to gain subscribers in Myanmar despite seeing a 50% spike in Tweets, largely thanks to unemployed Myanmar Times journalists sitting in coffee shops in Yangon passing the time tweeting while waiting for a rejection email for their latest pitch.
“Facebook has got the mad anti-Muslim conspiracy theory market completely sown up, we just can’t compete” said a Twitter spokesperson.
State Counsellor blames staff for forgetting about 8th August
A source has told Burma Tha Din that Daw Aung San Suu Kyi is furious after only finding out today in Global New Light of Myanmar that yesterday was the anniversary of the 8 8 88 uprising.
"When I said people should only read and watch state media with lots of pictures of me in, I didn't mean that's also where I find out what's going on", she reportedly shouted at staff.
NLD HQ in Yangon have been ordered to deliver NLD calendars (each month featuring a picture of Daw Aung San Suu Kyi) to all staff in her office.
Senior staff had previously persuaded a reluctant Aung San Suu Kyi that she should make some kind of statement on the anniversary, and she agreed on the condition that no-one mention that the military might have been involved in anything relating to the protests or aftermath.
Sunday, August 6, 2017
Earth flat and Sun orbits Earth says Myanmar government
From our correspondent in Naypyidaw
State Counsellor Daw Aung San Suu Kyi has ordered Minister of Education Dr Myo Thein Gyi to revise school textbooks after commissioning an investigation by Myint Swe into whether the Earth genuinely is round and whether the Earth truly does orbit the Sun.
“If the international community can get it so badly wrong about the Bengalis, we realised they could have got many other things wrong as well, so we decided to investigate,” said Aung San Suu Kyi’s spokesperson, U Zaw Htay.
Speaking at a press conference in Naypyidaw, Myint Swe said that he had thoroughly investigated and found no evidence the planet Earth is round. “The Earth is clearly not round, this is just external elements who saw a hill and are exaggerating it.”
“The idea that the Earth orbits the Sun is ridiculous. They claim the Earth is moving at a 67,000 miles an hour around the Sun. Even when I am driving my car at 50 miles per hour I get a strong wind on my face if I lower the window. Here I am talking to you and I cannot feel even a light breeze on my face. I spent a whole day watching the Sun very carefully and very clearly it was moving across the sky while we didn’t move at all.”
U Zaw Htay told Burma Tha Din that following this investigation, Daw Aung San Suu Kyi has now commissioned Myint Swe to investigate whether there really is gravity and whether one and one really does equal two.
State Counsellor Daw Aung San Suu Kyi has ordered Minister of Education Dr Myo Thein Gyi to revise school textbooks after commissioning an investigation by Myint Swe into whether the Earth genuinely is round and whether the Earth truly does orbit the Sun.
“If the international community can get it so badly wrong about the Bengalis, we realised they could have got many other things wrong as well, so we decided to investigate,” said Aung San Suu Kyi’s spokesperson, U Zaw Htay.
Speaking at a press conference in Naypyidaw, Myint Swe said that he had thoroughly investigated and found no evidence the planet Earth is round. “The Earth is clearly not round, this is just external elements who saw a hill and are exaggerating it.”
“The idea that the Earth orbits the Sun is ridiculous. They claim the Earth is moving at a 67,000 miles an hour around the Sun. Even when I am driving my car at 50 miles per hour I get a strong wind on my face if I lower the window. Here I am talking to you and I cannot feel even a light breeze on my face. I spent a whole day watching the Sun very carefully and very clearly it was moving across the sky while we didn’t move at all.”
U Zaw Htay told Burma Tha Din that following this investigation, Daw Aung San Suu Kyi has now commissioned Myint Swe to investigate whether there really is gravity and whether one and one really does equal two.
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