White House Press Conference - Exclusive Translation

From our White House Correspondent

President Obama and President Thein Sein spoke to the media after their historic meeting in the White House. As President Obama spoke Obamaese and President Thein Sein spoke Myanmarese, Burma Tha Din Network provides this translation.

The original is available on the White House website here: http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2013/05/20/remarks-president-obama-and-president-thein-sein-myanmar-after-bilateral

President Obama:

I want to welcome President Thein Sein to the United States of America and to the Oval Office.

When I became President I set our foreign policy on a decisive new course of pivoting towards Asia. This is because they have lots of money and growing economies, and because like all Americans, the prospect of China being the richest most powerful country in the world scares the shit out of me. We need Asian countries to be our friends, not China’s friends, but we can’t do that if we are arguing with them about human rights in Burma. More generally, I am not particularly interested in human rights anyway.

I also recall there was also something about North Korea and nuclear proliferation influencing the decision at the time, but these days I kind of lost interest in all that nuclear disarmament stuff and can’t remember the details now.

Our approach on Burma also fitted in with my more general approach of reaching out an open hand to dictatorship’s around the world, telling them, if you are willing to change your approach, we’ll change ours. Most dictatorships mistook this as a sign of weakness, and many even increased abuses against their populations, but I responded firmly with statements of concern, eventually.

Thank the Lord one dictatorship did respond to my offer of friendship, Myanmar. President Thein Sein’s Cornell University educated advisors have trained him to use the language of reform, even while conflict, violence and human rights abuses have continued, and that’s good enough for me. I am desperate for a foreign policy success. This is the only success I have, and by God and going to talk it up. I have been careful to remember not to condemn ethnic cleansing against the Rohingya Muslims, which in any case would play badly with the domestic American audience. I’ll pay lip service to human rights concerns, but won’t do anything to risk upsetting my new buddy Thein Sein.

As I stand here with President Thein Sein, I am imagining the faces of China’s leadership as they watch this on their TVs. Ha! We are dragging Burma away from their sphere of influence, and they know it. The release of all political prisoners would be nice, but pulling Burma away from China is what really matters.

President Thein Sein:

I can’t believe he has fallen for all of this, what a sucker. Did someone mention there is a golf course round here somewhere? Are we done yet?