UN Security Council shocked to learn not just Rohingya and Bamar Buddhists in Myanmar

UN Security Council members were left frantically googling ‘Kachin’ and ‘Shan’ during last weeks briefing by the Independent Fact-Finding Mission on Myanmar, trying to find out who or what the UN investigators were talking about, it is learned.  

UN investigators on Wednesday told the UN Security Council that Myanmar’s domestic investigation was not credible and called on the Council to support the referral of Myanmar to the International Criminal Court, or establish an ad hoc tribunal to investigate and prosecute crimes in Kachin and Shan States, as well as in Rakhine State.

“We thought we knew our stuff when we learnt that there are Rohingya people in Myanmar as well as Aung San Suu Kyi and the military, but the revelations from the Fact Finding Mission that there are other ethnic groups in Myanmar has taken us aback,” a French diplomat told Burma Tha Din on condition of anonymity.  

In a revealing insight into the operations of the Council, Burma Tha Din has learnt that the Swedish Ambassador then googled ‘ethnic people Myanmar’, and using WhatsApp sent a screenshot of a map showing other ethnic states in Myanmar to the ambassadors present at the meeting.

A Dutch diplomat told Burma Tha Din that they then messaged everyone suggesting commissioning UNESCO to send explorers into these states, but luckily the Deputy US Ambassador had prior knowledge of Myanmar and told them that the British government and American Baptists had already done that 200 years ago.

The Chinese Ambassador then replied “We could have told you that, we have been making a killing supplying both sides with guns for decades. (Excuse the pun).”

Karen Pierce then reportedly messaged them back saying it didn’t matter that Myanmar’s domestic investigation only covered the Rohingya and not the Shan and Kachin because British Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt found Aung San Suu Kyi to be quite charming and so they were going to keep backing her domestic enquiry regardless.

The Russian deputy Ambassador at the meeting was apparently too busy sulking to take part in the WhatsApp chat.

Aung San Suu Kyi ‘one more lost award’ away from giving Rohingya citizenship

News that later today (UK time) the City of Edinburgh may revoke their Freedom of the City award to Aung San Suu Kyi has apparently prompted her to reconsider her policy of refusing to give citizenship to the Rohingya.

Her lawyer and close advisor, Michael Marett Circleby, as usual speaking to media on condition of anonymity, told Burma Tha Din that although she might not show it, Aung San Suu Kyi is actually very concerned by the removal of many awards in response to her defence of the mass rape and slaughter of Rohingya villagers.

“We managed to avoid legal action at the international criminal court, the suspension of aid to the government, and economic sanctions, but these awards keep being revoked and it’s just not fair,” said Marett Circleby “Everyone expects the impossible and should just go away and leave her alone.”

Organisations which have revoked awards to Aung San Suu Kyi said that this justified their decision to remove the awards whilst not doing anything else to help the Rohingya or anyone else in Burma.

New Commission on Commission Names Established

The President’s Office has established the Emergency Commission For The Naming Of Commissions On Rakhine State (ECNCRS) following the realisation that the government was running out of combinations of names for commissions on the situation Rakhine State. Officials have warned that there are few combinations left for the key words ‘Commission’, ‘Committee’, ‘Advisory’, ‘Rakhine’ and ‘Implementation’.

Headhunting begins for foreign diplomats to front new Advisory Commission to the Committee for the Implementation of the Recommendations on Rakhine State by the Advisory Commission on Rakhine State on the implementation of the Recommendations of the Rakhine Commission of Enquiry.

Despite the Rakhine Commission of Enquiry not being expected to make its report until late next year, following difficulties in finding foreign diplomats gullible, naïve or unprincipled enough to front the Rakhine Commission of Enquiry, the State Counsellors office has already begun the search for members of a planned Advisory Commission to the Committee for the Implementation of the Recommendations on Rakhine State by the Advisory Commission on Rakhine State on the implementation of the Recommendations of the Rakhine Commission of Enquiry. (ACCIRRSACRSIRRCoE)

“I don’t know why we are finding it so hard to find people to help,” a senior government official told Burma Tha Din shortly after the abrupt sacking of the Advisory Board for the Committee for Implementation of the Recommendations on Rakhine State.

Aung San Suu Kyi Planning Major Changes to Peace Process Following Panglong III Failure

Burma Tha Din has learned that a small group of State Counsellor Daw Aung San Suu Kyi’s key advisers held a crisis meeting today at the Presidents palace following the failure of the Panglong III conference to make any significant progress. 

There is concern that international support for the current peace process is waning due to lack of progress, and that pressure may be applied to make changes which would lead to substantive discussions on ethnic rights and autonomy. Burma Tha Din understands Daw Aung San Suu Kyi is keen to avoid such a development.

One proposal put forward was to drop the word peace from the peace process, so that people don’t judge the process on progress towards peace. Instead the term ‘The Process’ would be used.

Another is to change the Panglong conference name to the 22^nd Century Panglong. This was considered to be more realistic in terms on progress, and ‘forward looking and positive’.

The establishment of more government peace committees and sub groups, each chaired by the State Counsellor, is also under consideration.

Burma Tha Din understands that any suggestion that there are inherent problems with The Process and that any policy changes should be made were unanimously rejected.

It was also decided to continue with the policy of not blaming the military for problems such as ongoing conflict, refusing to negotiate on preconditions unacceptable to ethnic organisations, and vetoing discussions on key issues. Instead the policy of blaming small under-resourced ethnic groups for delays and being unrealistic in demands would continue.

All those present agreed that these cosmetic changes would be more than enough to keep the EU and European governments on board, and that the USA doesn’t really care either way so would continue support as well.

Burma gov thanks Amnesty for showing how it failed to do its job

State controlled media today devoted significant time and space to coverage of an Amnesty International report detailing how the Myanmar government and military completely failed to do their job, resulting in the deaths of at least a hundred people.

“We have been trying to tell everyone that we let terrorists massacre at least one village of people, and then failed to arrest and jail those responsible, but apart from the huge amount of domestic and international media coverage at the time, no-one would listen,” said government spokesperson Zaw Htay.

“We failed in our most basic duty, to provide security for the population. It’s not like this happened out of the blue, we had been warning about increased terrorist activity for months. We were just so focussed on the propaganda side of things we forgot to actually protect people. It’s an absolute scandal which in any other country would have resulted in the resignations of government ministers and senior military officers. They failed to do their job, and people died as a result. Now at last, thanks to Amnesty International, the truth is out there. We are delighted to keep letting people know just how badly we messed up, and will keep gloating about our failure for at least a week.”

Rohingya activists join forces with Myanmar government to cry ‘fake news’

International observers were today hailing Amnesty International for managing to build common ground between the Rohingya and the Burmese government and military, as Rohingya activists decried Amnesty’s new report on alleged ARSA massacres of Hindus.

“We thought it would take years to start to find areas of common ground but Amnesty have managed it in a single day,” said one of an increasing number of independent analysts based in Yangon.  “Now lucrative consultancies are at risk.”

In an uncanny replication of Rakhine and Bamar racist nationalists, and without any sense of awareness of the irony, Rohingya activists have flooded social media with criticism of Amnesty International’s new report.

“Within minutes of the report coming out, it was as if (government spokesperson) Zaw Htay had hacked all the Rohingya activists accounts at once,” one observer told Burma Tha Din.

Zaw Htay himself was gleefully tweeting articles about the report from the same media and organisations he has previously described as producing lies and fake news.

“There is the old saying that to understand another person walk a mile in their shoes, and Amnesty have helped achieve that,” said interfaith consultant C Petbag. “Now each know how the other feels and this truly is something to build on. It shows that at heart, many Rohingya and other activists, and the Myanmar government, have something in common. They are willing to turn on previous allies at the drop of a hat, and are willing to undermine their own credibility crying fake news about credible reports from credible organisations.”

A government insider told Burma Tha Din off the record “Pro Bengali agitators are now attacking the credibility of Amnesty International, which is one of the main organisations documenting alleged human rights violations against the illegal immigrants.  Either our psychological warfare department are very smart, or these activists are very dumb.”

“Amnesty are part of a neo-fascist colonial military-collaborating genocidal fascist international conspiracy and if anybody dies from further volcano eruptions in Hawaii they will have to answer for it,” said Maung Krazi. 

New in brief- Leeds United Players ordered to shave off beards

Leeds United players ordered to shave off beards

Burma Tha Din has learned that Leeds United players have been told to shave off their beards before heading to Myanmar for two matches. “None of our team is Rohingya so we are more worried about food poisoning than ethnic cleansing. We told our team to shave off their beards as we don't want them being forced to eat pork curry every time we check into a hotel just to prove they are not Muslims. We don’t know how long that curry has been sitting around.”

Australian journalist numbers hits all time low

New figures revealing the number of journalists from Australia working for local media has continued to fall in the past year is being seen as another sign of declining media freedom in the country. Concerns about the falling number of Australian journalists first emerged when beer stations in Yangon reported declining profits. One local journalist who asked not to be named told Burma Tha Din there had been a change in the culture of Australian journalists. “They used to be happy to work under censorship and put out any old propaganda as long as they had access to local ladies and plenty of alcohol, but the new generation seems more fussy when owners and editors censor their work and promote racist or government agendas.”

Rohingya women raped because of their indecent clothing says Maung Thaung Win

In an article for Old Darkness In Myanmar, diplomat Maung Thaung Win has claimed that the Myanmar military were forced to rape Rohingya women because of their ‘skimpy outfits, short skirts and not being accompanied by their menfolk’.

Recent rape cases in central Burma, and statistics showing an increase incidents of rape, have sparked much controversy in Myanmar.

“Everyone knows if you want to rape, you join the military and rape ethnic women, you don’t rape Bamma women,” said a spokeswoman the Safety of Myanmar Women Association.

Aung San Suu Kyi’s spokesperson, Major Zaw Htay, has denied that there is a culture tolerant of rape within the government, and that this could be part of the problem. “It is ridiculous to suggest that the government’s failure to update laws to ban rape in marriage, failure to pass laws on tougher sentencing for rapists, having a rapist as a religious affairs union minister, doing nothing to try to address military impunity for rape, and describing reputable reports of rape of Rohingya women as fake, could have in any way contributed to a culture or perception that Daw Aung San Suu Kyi’s government is tolerant of rapists.”

Min Aung Hlaing: Aung San Suu Kyi’s ‘dictatorial tendencies’ why we tried to stop her becoming President

Burma Tha Din understands that Min Aung Hlaing has been telling visiting diplomats that article 59 (F) was inserted into the constitution precisely because they were afraid of what he called the ‘dictatorial tendencies’ of Aung San Suu Kyi.

“We have wanted reform and democracy for decades,” Min Aung Hlaing told one diplomat, “but we knew we couldn’t allow Aung San Suu Kyi to take over and return Burma to authoritarian rule with political prisoners and no freedom of expression. It is the greatest irony that we were accused of being a dictatorship when in fact we were trying to prevent one.”

Speaking off the record, a Yangon based diplomat told Burma Tha Din, “Min Aung Hlaing appears increasingly concerned by Aung San Suu Kyi’s lack of respect for human rights and her attitude towards western countries and the United Nations. He says the whole point of the reform process was to get sanctions lifted and improve international relations. To reduce dependency on China, not increase it."

Min Aung Hlaing allegedly told one diplomat, “The point of arranging the current political system was to have a NLD government, but without Aung San Suu Kyi messing everything up. We want to see and improvement in international relations to bring in more aid and investment, but Aung San Suu Kyi is now scaring off donors and investors.”

Min Aung Hlaing apparently concedes that he is not being entirely altruistic, under President Thein Sein, increased loans, trade, and investment enabled the military budget to increase by almost half a billion dollars.

“We kept Aung San Suu Kyi locked up for decades because we knew how dangerous it would be if she was given power, it’s not like we didn’t try to warn everybody,” Min Aung Hlaing reportedly told diplomats.

Roelf Meyer denies he thought Ngapali holiday resort was for repatriated refugees

Former arms dealer Roelf Meyer, a member of the international advisory committee on how to whitewash genocide, has been forced to deny claims he was duped by the government of Burma into believing that Ngapali holiday resorts were repatriation camps for Rohingya.

There had been bewilderment at Roelf Meyers assertions, after just two days in Rakhine State, constantly escorted by government and military officials, that it was safe for Refugees to return to what Rohingya activists have described as concentration camps.

Following news that the advisory board had inexplicably visited Ngapali beach, speculation has grown on social media that the board has been duped by Aung San Suu Kyi. Some even made comparison with the fake show camps set up for the benefit of international visitors after Cyclone Nargis.

“In fact I was quite open in my criticisms of shortfalls in the repatriation camps,” said Roelf Meyer.  “For example they were serving ham at the breakfast buffet and pork curry on the dinner menu, which is obviously insensitive for a Muslim population as well as a waste of resources. People were swimming in the clothes washing facilities, and the only place to hang clothes to dry was sun loungers, another unnecessary expense in a refugee camp. Another problem is that many rooms don’t have connecting doors, which will be difficult for large Muslim families who can’t all be expected to squeeze into one double or twin bedroom.”

Aung San Suu Kyi ‘exceeding her mandate’ says military spokesman

A military spokesperson has accused State Counsellor Aung San Suu Kyi of exceeding her mandate, at the end of a week dominated by the controversy over the resignation of Bill Richardson from the Advisory Board to the Committee for Implementation of the Recommendations on Rakhine State.

“It’s not the State Counsellors job to keep journalists and political prisoners in jail, deny human rights violations are happening, and lie to the international community, it’s ours” said the military spokesperson, speaking exclusively to Burma Tha Din. “She is not meant start committing her own human rights violations, that’s not part of the work of the civilian government, it’s outside her mandate.”

The spokesperson went on to tell Burma Tha Din that Min Aung Hlaing is reportedly ‘furious’.