After calls for restraint, soldiers ordered to only shoot Rohingya once
Min Aung Hlaing has agreed to calls for restraint by the international community, and ordered soldiers to only shoot Rohingya once, and use less petrol when burning homes.
“We didn’t expect to get such good advice from America, the EU and others,” said a senior military source. “Of course they are right. We only need to shoot a Bengali once. If they are only injured they will die anyway without medical assistance, it will just take longer. We just have to be more patient. This will save us lots of bullets which we can use instead on other Bengali.”
Min Aung Hlaing Furious Aung San Suu Kyi Getting All The Credit
Burma Tha Din sources in the military say Min Aung Hlaing is furious that Aung San Suu Kyi is getting all the credit for driving Rohingya out of Burma.
“He is raging,” said one source. “He spent months planning this offensive and waiting for the next ARSA attack so he could carry it out, now Aung San Suu Ki is getting all the credit for his work.”
Another source told Burma Tha Din “The Commander in Chief felt he had an understanding with Daw Aung San Suu Kyi but he feels betrayed now. He has driven more Bengali out of Myanmar than anyone in history, but she takes the credit. She is very tricky.”
Correction
In our news update last week we reported that a media editor was having a breakdown over the Rohingya issue. It has now come to our attention that although posturing as a media editor he has in fact done very little media editing and is in effect a government spokesperson. He has also now publicly stated his feelings that Rohingya do not belong in Burma, and must be feeling a lot better now. We apologize for any misunderstandings our article may have caused.
Saturday, September 9, 2017
Saturday, September 2, 2017
News Update 2nd September 2017
All rice farmers to be arrested after rice found in ARSE camp
Aung San Suu Kyi’s personal spokesperson U Zaw Htay has announced that all rice farmers in Burma are to be arrested following the discovery of a bag of rice in an ARSE terrorist camp.
“Clearly rice farmers are collaborating with the extremist Bengali terrorists,” said Zaw Htay. “We will be posting pictures of the bag of rice on Facebook every day to make sure everyone in Myanmar knows that rice farmers are supporting extremist Bengali terrorists. If we can provoke the population into attacking them it will save us the job of arresting them and we don’t get the blame for the arrests.”
MPs have demanded DNA tests on the rice to see if it is pure rice provided by collaborators or if it is mixed blood foreign rice.
Media group editor rumours
Rumours are circulating in media circles that the editor of one of Burma’s highest profile media groups has had a breakdown after an emotional outburst to staff that he couldn’t bear trying to write another editorial trying to balance what he really wants to say about Rohingya with what donors will accept without pulling funding.
Staff had become suspicious after a series of articles subtly and not so subtly backing stronger military intervention in Rakhine State appeared in the publication.
The editor, widely known for his past preference for employing Australians rather than ethnic people, did not respond to our request asking how many Rohingya and Muslim journalists he has employed over the years.
MaBaTha protests name of People’s Park, demands name change to Citizen’s Park
From our special correspondent
RANGOON – MaBaTha’s leading monk U Wirathu personally addressed a large group of non-aliens in People’s Park on Sunday, as part of a growing campaign to change the name of the central Rangoon leisure space. “What if extremist Bengali terrorists come for a picnic here? Or even worse: those complicit foreign aid workers!?”, Wirathu exclaimed while addressing the crowd. The issue of attracting non-citizens to the popular hangout spot with such a generic name as People's Park is making non-secular groups increasingly worried.
Local resident and MaBaTha-supporter Aung Thu shares these concerns: “This park protects the rights of all citizens, not people. We can’t allow foreign elements to come and ruin this beautiful space”. A petition has been submitted to Yangon Chief Minister U Phyo Min Thein to officially change the name of this non-terrorist haven to “Citizen’s Park”.
U Zaw Htay, spokesperson of the State Counsellor’s Office, welcomes the initiative. “I think it’s a great idea. There’s no such thing as a free lunch”, he told reporters in Naypyidaw. He further proposed to only allow access to those citizens who have signed the Nationwide Ceasefire Agreement (NCA): “If you want to ride the train, you have to buy the ticket”.
By sheer coincidence, U Wirathu is also keen on bringing a bamboo nature reserve to the park with the name 'Citizen Kane'. However, he was clear to state that manipulating public opinion or a ruthless pursuit of political power were definitely not his intentions, unlike the infamous Orson Welles character.
Aung San Suu Kyi’s personal spokesperson U Zaw Htay has announced that all rice farmers in Burma are to be arrested following the discovery of a bag of rice in an ARSE terrorist camp.
“Clearly rice farmers are collaborating with the extremist Bengali terrorists,” said Zaw Htay. “We will be posting pictures of the bag of rice on Facebook every day to make sure everyone in Myanmar knows that rice farmers are supporting extremist Bengali terrorists. If we can provoke the population into attacking them it will save us the job of arresting them and we don’t get the blame for the arrests.”
MPs have demanded DNA tests on the rice to see if it is pure rice provided by collaborators or if it is mixed blood foreign rice.
Media group editor rumours
Rumours are circulating in media circles that the editor of one of Burma’s highest profile media groups has had a breakdown after an emotional outburst to staff that he couldn’t bear trying to write another editorial trying to balance what he really wants to say about Rohingya with what donors will accept without pulling funding.
Staff had become suspicious after a series of articles subtly and not so subtly backing stronger military intervention in Rakhine State appeared in the publication.
The editor, widely known for his past preference for employing Australians rather than ethnic people, did not respond to our request asking how many Rohingya and Muslim journalists he has employed over the years.
MaBaTha protests name of People’s Park, demands name change to Citizen’s Park
From our special correspondent
RANGOON – MaBaTha’s leading monk U Wirathu personally addressed a large group of non-aliens in People’s Park on Sunday, as part of a growing campaign to change the name of the central Rangoon leisure space. “What if extremist Bengali terrorists come for a picnic here? Or even worse: those complicit foreign aid workers!?”, Wirathu exclaimed while addressing the crowd. The issue of attracting non-citizens to the popular hangout spot with such a generic name as People's Park is making non-secular groups increasingly worried.
Local resident and MaBaTha-supporter Aung Thu shares these concerns: “This park protects the rights of all citizens, not people. We can’t allow foreign elements to come and ruin this beautiful space”. A petition has been submitted to Yangon Chief Minister U Phyo Min Thein to officially change the name of this non-terrorist haven to “Citizen’s Park”.
U Zaw Htay, spokesperson of the State Counsellor’s Office, welcomes the initiative. “I think it’s a great idea. There’s no such thing as a free lunch”, he told reporters in Naypyidaw. He further proposed to only allow access to those citizens who have signed the Nationwide Ceasefire Agreement (NCA): “If you want to ride the train, you have to buy the ticket”.
By sheer coincidence, U Wirathu is also keen on bringing a bamboo nature reserve to the park with the name 'Citizen Kane'. However, he was clear to state that manipulating public opinion or a ruthless pursuit of political power were definitely not his intentions, unlike the infamous Orson Welles character.
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