Min Aung Hlaing: Aung San Suu Kyi’s ‘dictatorial tendencies’ why we tried to stop her becoming President

Burma Tha Din understands that Min Aung Hlaing has been telling visiting diplomats that article 59 (F) was inserted into the constitution precisely because they were afraid of what he called the ‘dictatorial tendencies’ of Aung San Suu Kyi.

“We have wanted reform and democracy for decades,” Min Aung Hlaing told one diplomat, “but we knew we couldn’t allow Aung San Suu Kyi to take over and return Burma to authoritarian rule with political prisoners and no freedom of expression. It is the greatest irony that we were accused of being a dictatorship when in fact we were trying to prevent one.”

Speaking off the record, a Yangon based diplomat told Burma Tha Din, “Min Aung Hlaing appears increasingly concerned by Aung San Suu Kyi’s lack of respect for human rights and her attitude towards western countries and the United Nations. He says the whole point of the reform process was to get sanctions lifted and improve international relations. To reduce dependency on China, not increase it."

Min Aung Hlaing allegedly told one diplomat, “The point of arranging the current political system was to have a NLD government, but without Aung San Suu Kyi messing everything up. We want to see and improvement in international relations to bring in more aid and investment, but Aung San Suu Kyi is now scaring off donors and investors.”

Min Aung Hlaing apparently concedes that he is not being entirely altruistic, under President Thein Sein, increased loans, trade, and investment enabled the military budget to increase by almost half a billion dollars.

“We kept Aung San Suu Kyi locked up for decades because we knew how dangerous it would be if she was given power, it’s not like we didn’t try to warn everybody,” Min Aung Hlaing reportedly told diplomats.

Roelf Meyer denies he thought Ngapali holiday resort was for repatriated refugees

Former arms dealer Roelf Meyer, a member of the international advisory committee on how to whitewash genocide, has been forced to deny claims he was duped by the government of Burma into believing that Ngapali holiday resorts were repatriation camps for Rohingya.

There had been bewilderment at Roelf Meyers assertions, after just two days in Rakhine State, constantly escorted by government and military officials, that it was safe for Refugees to return to what Rohingya activists have described as concentration camps.

Following news that the advisory board had inexplicably visited Ngapali beach, speculation has grown on social media that the board has been duped by Aung San Suu Kyi. Some even made comparison with the fake show camps set up for the benefit of international visitors after Cyclone Nargis.

“In fact I was quite open in my criticisms of shortfalls in the repatriation camps,” said Roelf Meyer.  “For example they were serving ham at the breakfast buffet and pork curry on the dinner menu, which is obviously insensitive for a Muslim population as well as a waste of resources. People were swimming in the clothes washing facilities, and the only place to hang clothes to dry was sun loungers, another unnecessary expense in a refugee camp. Another problem is that many rooms don’t have connecting doors, which will be difficult for large Muslim families who can’t all be expected to squeeze into one double or twin bedroom.”

Aung San Suu Kyi ‘exceeding her mandate’ says military spokesman

A military spokesperson has accused State Counsellor Aung San Suu Kyi of exceeding her mandate, at the end of a week dominated by the controversy over the resignation of Bill Richardson from the Advisory Board to the Committee for Implementation of the Recommendations on Rakhine State.

“It’s not the State Counsellors job to keep journalists and political prisoners in jail, deny human rights violations are happening, and lie to the international community, it’s ours” said the military spokesperson, speaking exclusively to Burma Tha Din. “She is not meant start committing her own human rights violations, that’s not part of the work of the civilian government, it’s outside her mandate.”

The spokesperson went on to tell Burma Tha Din that Min Aung Hlaing is reportedly ‘furious’.

Four Hates Party Formed

A new political party has been born in Myanmar, with the formation of the Four Hates party by Ko Ko Gyi, a former democracy activist turned neo-Nazi.

“We are united in our four hates,” said Ko Ko Gyi. “Hate Bengali so-called Rohingya, hate all Muslims, hate foreigners who go on about human rights, and hate the NLD for rejecting me as a candidate. We think many people in Myanmar share these hates and we will win many seats in the next election.”

Asked about policies, Ko Ko Gyi dismissed suggestions his party should have a clear political platform. “In the true Myanmar political tradition, I formed this party because I want to be leader, not to be stuck in an office working out policies. Now at last I am the leader! Have you any idea how it felt being overshadowed by Min Ko Naing all those years?”

The formation of the new party received a mixed reception on social media, which has already dubbed it the shit party. One commented: “Oh great, another right wing nationalist party, just what we need.” Another commented, “Leute, stehe auf und stürm, los!”

An NLD spokesperson told Burma Tha Din, “It is learned that some people want to form a new political party but we have not decided whether to allow it. We will not allow internal destructive elements or ax handles in our country, but they did force out their Muslim member so this is a good sign.”

EU announces new funding round for ‘complex’ analysis

The European Union today announced another round of funding aimed at projects and people to ramble on about how complex everything in Myanmar is.

In a statement, EU Ambassador Kristian Schmidt said: “Talking up complexities is vital in countering demands that we do something about problems. This is particularly the case in Rakhine State, where things are so bad some EU member states even think we should do something.”

Proposals are invited for studies and commentary which results in one or all of the following conclusions:

• That the situation is more complex than most people realise
• That the international community must tread carefully
• That ultimately the solution must come from within Myanmar

No actual practical proposals for addressing problems are required.

“This should in particular appeal to people self-identifying as independent analysts, as they will be very well paid, be able to smugly sound like they understand things other people don’t, and don’t have to stick their neck out suggesting anything useful,” said Schmidt.

The statement went on to say: Dinner and prosecco at the Ambassadors luxury villa are included with all successful proposals. As usual, no information on end recipients will be released and any requests for information by journalists will be met with the usual ‘we’ll get back to you.’

Burma Tha Din News Update 9th September 2017

After calls for restraint, soldiers ordered to only shoot Rohingya once

Min Aung Hlaing has agreed to calls for restraint by the international community, and ordered soldiers to only shoot Rohingya once, and use less petrol when burning homes.

“We didn’t expect to get such good advice from America, the EU and others,” said a senior military source. “Of course they are right. We only need to shoot a Bengali once. If they are only injured they will die anyway without medical assistance, it will just take longer. We just have to be more patient. This will save us lots of bullets which we can use instead on other Bengali.”


Min Aung Hlaing Furious Aung San Suu Kyi Getting All The Credit

Burma Tha Din sources in the military say Min Aung Hlaing is furious that Aung San Suu Kyi is getting all the credit for driving Rohingya out of Burma.

“He is raging,” said one source. “He spent months planning this offensive and waiting for the next ARSA attack so he could carry it out, now Aung San Suu Ki is getting all the credit for his work.”

Another source told Burma Tha Din “The Commander in Chief felt he had an understanding with Daw Aung San Suu Kyi but he feels betrayed now. He has driven more Bengali out of Myanmar than anyone in history, but she takes the credit. She is very tricky.”


Correction

In our news update last week we reported that a media editor was having a breakdown over the Rohingya issue. It has now come to our attention that although posturing as a media editor he has in fact done very little media editing and is in effect a government spokesperson. He has also now publicly stated his feelings that Rohingya do not belong in Burma, and must be feeling a lot better now. We apologize for any misunderstandings our article may have caused.

News Update 2nd September 2017

All rice farmers to be arrested after rice found in ARSE camp

Aung San Suu Kyi’s personal spokesperson U Zaw Htay has announced that all rice farmers in Burma are to be arrested following the discovery of a bag of rice in an ARSE terrorist camp.

“Clearly rice farmers are collaborating with the extremist Bengali terrorists,” said Zaw Htay. “We will be posting pictures of the bag of rice on Facebook every day to make sure everyone in Myanmar knows that rice farmers are supporting extremist Bengali terrorists. If we can provoke the population into attacking them it will save us the job of arresting them and we don’t get the blame for the arrests.”

MPs have demanded DNA tests on the rice to see if it is pure rice provided by collaborators or if it is mixed blood foreign rice.


Media group editor rumours

Rumours are circulating in media circles that the editor of one of Burma’s highest profile media groups has had a breakdown after an emotional outburst to staff that he couldn’t bear trying to write another editorial trying to balance what he really wants to say about Rohingya with what donors will accept without pulling funding.

Staff had become suspicious after a series of articles subtly and not so subtly backing stronger military intervention in Rakhine State appeared in the publication.

The editor, widely known for his past preference for employing Australians rather than ethnic people, did not respond to our request asking how many Rohingya and Muslim journalists he has employed over the years.


MaBaTha protests name of People’s Park, demands name change to Citizen’s Park

From our special correspondent

RANGOON – MaBaTha’s leading monk U Wirathu personally addressed a large group of non-aliens in People’s Park on Sunday, as part of a growing campaign to change the name of the central Rangoon leisure space. “What if extremist Bengali terrorists come for a picnic here? Or even worse: those complicit foreign aid workers!?”, Wirathu exclaimed while addressing the crowd. The issue of attracting non-citizens to the popular hangout spot with such a generic name as People's Park is making non-secular groups increasingly worried.

Local resident and MaBaTha-supporter Aung Thu shares these concerns: “This park protects the rights of all citizens, not people. We can’t allow foreign elements to come and ruin this beautiful space”. A petition has been submitted to Yangon Chief Minister U Phyo Min Thein to officially change the name of this non-terrorist haven to “Citizen’s Park”.

U Zaw Htay, spokesperson of the State Counsellor’s Office, welcomes the initiative. “I think it’s a great idea. There’s no such thing as a free lunch”, he told reporters in Naypyidaw. He further proposed to only allow access to those citizens who have signed the Nationwide Ceasefire Agreement (NCA): “If you want to ride the train, you have to buy the ticket”.

By sheer coincidence, U Wirathu is also keen on bringing a bamboo nature reserve to the park with the name 'Citizen Kane'. However, he was clear to state that manipulating public opinion or a ruthless pursuit of political power were definitely not his intentions, unlike the infamous Orson Welles character.