Burma gov thanks Amnesty for showing how it failed to do its job

State controlled media today devoted significant time and space to coverage of an Amnesty International report detailing how the Myanmar government and military completely failed to do their job, resulting in the deaths of at least a hundred people.

“We have been trying to tell everyone that we let terrorists massacre at least one village of people, and then failed to arrest and jail those responsible, but apart from the huge amount of domestic and international media coverage at the time, no-one would listen,” said government spokesperson Zaw Htay.

“We failed in our most basic duty, to provide security for the population. It’s not like this happened out of the blue, we had been warning about increased terrorist activity for months. We were just so focussed on the propaganda side of things we forgot to actually protect people. It’s an absolute scandal which in any other country would have resulted in the resignations of government ministers and senior military officers. They failed to do their job, and people died as a result. Now at last, thanks to Amnesty International, the truth is out there. We are delighted to keep letting people know just how badly we messed up, and will keep gloating about our failure for at least a week.”

Rohingya activists join forces with Myanmar government to cry ‘fake news’

International observers were today hailing Amnesty International for managing to build common ground between the Rohingya and the Burmese government and military, as Rohingya activists decried Amnesty’s new report on alleged ARSA massacres of Hindus.

“We thought it would take years to start to find areas of common ground but Amnesty have managed it in a single day,” said one of an increasing number of independent analysts based in Yangon.  “Now lucrative consultancies are at risk.”

In an uncanny replication of Rakhine and Bamar racist nationalists, and without any sense of awareness of the irony, Rohingya activists have flooded social media with criticism of Amnesty International’s new report.

“Within minutes of the report coming out, it was as if (government spokesperson) Zaw Htay had hacked all the Rohingya activists accounts at once,” one observer told Burma Tha Din.

Zaw Htay himself was gleefully tweeting articles about the report from the same media and organisations he has previously described as producing lies and fake news.

“There is the old saying that to understand another person walk a mile in their shoes, and Amnesty have helped achieve that,” said interfaith consultant C Petbag. “Now each know how the other feels and this truly is something to build on. It shows that at heart, many Rohingya and other activists, and the Myanmar government, have something in common. They are willing to turn on previous allies at the drop of a hat, and are willing to undermine their own credibility crying fake news about credible reports from credible organisations.”

A government insider told Burma Tha Din off the record “Pro Bengali agitators are now attacking the credibility of Amnesty International, which is one of the main organisations documenting alleged human rights violations against the illegal immigrants.  Either our psychological warfare department are very smart, or these activists are very dumb.”

“Amnesty are part of a neo-fascist colonial military-collaborating genocidal fascist international conspiracy and if anybody dies from further volcano eruptions in Hawaii they will have to answer for it,” said Maung Krazi.